How Do You Tell Someone They're... ummm.... A Hot Mess?

...But not for Facebook

I know a woman. A beautiful, intelligent sister with tons of personality and a genuine heart. She has an extraordinary amount of potential and is at the top of her professional game. Unfortunately, it's hard to see her positive attributes because she constantly downgrades herself in social media with over-the-top sass, assumed promiscuity, and dozens of half naked pictures. She really doesn't have to go there, but she does. And really, she's not the only one. There are plenty of women who get on social networking sites and go bananas. I was reading an article about a girl, not adult, not even a teenager, but a GIRL, who posted hundreds of raunchy pictures of herself on Facebook and even had a fan page. This is really disturbing to me. Now, I know that this sister that I know is not on that level, but to me, they're not that far apart. Both of them have a need to be seen, to have attention, to be risque... but why? And, most importantly, as women who value these ladies for their personalities and not their "assets", how do we tell them that they are doing themselves wrong?

I don't have anything against trying to look cute. Not a thang. I too possess tons of sexy shoes, outfits and know when I'm in a "feeling myself" moment. That's not my problem. What worries me is those women, and apparently little girls, who feel like they have to push themselves to be sexy and risque. In our society women, especially W.O.C., are bombarded with media images, music videos, and tons of beauty products aimed at making us feel like we aren't pretty enough or we wont be validated unless we look like ____.  So many women play into these standards and give themselves complexes for not being "naturally pretty". On the other hand, there are women who claim to "own" their sexy and that their attitude is "confidence", but put their business on the street to attract attention. What's the difference? 


None, actually. It's not "confidence" if you have to parade, online, selling yourself, and your clothing, short. If anything, it furthers the exploitative ideas that media and all of the above have been selling to women. Why can't you show your confidence by being mature? Or intelligent? Or, perhaps, by having self respect and high standards? I'm not trying to hate on these ladies, really I'm not, but as my sister once exasperatedly proclaimed, "I'm tired of seeing all these trying-to-be-sexy bathroom shot pictures!" It's just not cute. And above all, it makes you look really bad. 

But how do you say this to someone without seeming like a hater? Or without hurting their feelings? Perhaps you leave it to close friends or family, but what if none of them step up to the plate? Should you just let this person continue to downgrade their worth?