Marriage: What's It Even Mean?

Some time ago I was stopped at a red light and did kind of a double take when I saw this sign posted on an old, abandoned medical center. I laughed because it seemed as outrageous as the signs I've been seeing recently in my new neighborhood : "Is your loved one cheating? call ***-***-****" I questioned, who actually calls these things and why would you ever want to cut the cord that quick and dirty, but then the melancholy reality set in: Marriage just isn't what it used to be. I take that back: We as a society do not value marriage and the commitment of Love as sacred as we used to. Since moving into the new spot we also just got cable after living without it. This has given me the opportunity to not only watch the fascinating Discovery Channel and TLC shows, but unfortunately it's also opened the door for me to discover the obnoxious world of reality t.v. We have all these shows- that are incredibly famous!- that focus on finding Love. It's not just on cable people, we're talking a take over of network t.v. too. Men and women fighting over the "Love" of one person who seems to be most interested in hot tubs and sleezerville. While they're at least morbidly fascinating- sure, why not- the bigger issue is that they create this hollow idea of what it means to find Love, how to validate it, and mostly, what Love really means. 

A few years ago for my bday, a friend and her husband came out to celebrate along with a bunch of others. We spent the whole night  (the WHOLE night) out dancing, joking and having a great time. In between songs and laughing fits, I found that my friend and her man were in their own world, looking at each other longingly, loving each other and genuinely enjoying their combined energy. A few of the girls noticed too and we talked briefly about how fresh their relationship was: they've been married AND have several kids. I secretly promised that my marriage would be similar. People often ask The Hubs and me about how long we've been married and attribute our affection for one another for "honeymoon years". Maybe, I suppose, but I refuse to believe that it has to be that way. My friend and her husband are the prime example.

It bothers me how often people assume that the longer you're married the more flat it becomes. Once while waiting on the train, The Hubs and I were lectured by an old head about how when you're married for over 25 years you should expect to be more like roommates than a couple. Jeez, cynical much? It's become the norm to feel that way. Unfortunately, the way that Love is portrayed in media right now doesn't leave room for much more either.Not only are the old heads cynical about their situations, but the young people are becoming cynical about Love before they even experience it!  I'd be cynical too if the way I had to find Love was by putting my business on the street and bickering with 10 other women for the shallow affection of some guy I've only known for a few days. How are we teaching people to value Love if it's being exploited like a game show challenge?  Love just isn't a game.

While falling in Love is depicted as a quick and easy scheme, unfortunately so is letting it go. I don't know, maybe I'm trippin, but I think I'd need a little more than a day to decide I wanted to be divorced and go along on my marry way. RIGHT? This whole fast track lifestyle that we're being saturated with is really desensitizing us from really understanding the significance of our actions. Marriage is a big deal. So is divorce. Can we act like we know that? It really bugs me out that people take these things so lightly.

In my opinion the product of this lifestyle is the growing number of 18-19 year olds who are engaged. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying you can't find your life partner at that age. I have an aunt and uncle who were married at 15 and 19 and their marriage was stronger than most. I also know people who are engaged that young and their ideas about Love are amazingly sound. BUT, not everybody who is planning on being married at that age is on the same level. I also know people who, I hate to say it, but are more infatuated with the idea of being "grown" and with planning a wedding than the actual marriage. THAT IS NOT A REASON TO BE MARRIED. Trust me, being married does not make you grown, nor is it over after the fun and games of planning a party are done.

It's not entirely their faults. Reality t.v. makes planning a picture perfect wedding seem like the point of getting married. It also makes falling in Love over a few weeks worth of unrealistic circumstances (like helicopter rides and champagne in jacuzzis) look appealing. Then, when the reality of cooking your own dinners as opposed to going out for every meal and having to budget out those fantastical everyday adventures starts to settle, divorce is too often the fix it answer. I'm not even going to pretend that this is only affecting young people, plenty of too grown to even be that naive people are falling for the same propaganda.

Moral of the story: Let's stop basing expectations for our personal Love stories on television's interpretation of what it should look like. Chasing these fairytale situations will send you crashing down to realize that it don't always happen like that. And if it does, and that's what you want, alhamdulillah, lucky you. But, if it doesn't, don't miss out on an opportunity to find real Love to chase a reality that wasn't meant for you.